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Erase ItI can’t take it anymore. This pain, why wont it cease? I don’t use a razor, wont use a rope. I want it to be quick, as painless as possible. I’ve suffered enough already. I put the gun to my head. The metal is cold against my bare flesh, sending goose bumps down my body. It gives me a glimpse of what’s to come, the coldness of deaths hand. I do not shake. I do not weep, nor cry. I want this. I’ve wanted it for awhile. I breathe in, breathe out. I swallow. I close my eyes. I count to one, moving the safety off. I count to two, putting my finger on the trigger. I count to three. I erase my pain.
BlinkI watch as the stars shine in the dark night sky. They shine so bright and brilliantly. I cough again and blood covers my mouth. I just need to wait for an ambulance to arrive. I keep telling myself, “Don’t blink.” If I blink I’ll feel the need to go to sleep. A sleep I will never wake up from.
I lay on the cold pavement, my body broken and crumpled. I have no clue how many bones I’ve broken, nor how I was able to pull my cell phone out and dial 911.
I look up again at the stars. They’re so beautiful here. I’ve never been this far out in the country before. I look over at the wreckage of my car and the work truck. I don’t know how I got this far away from them. I can see the man behind the wheel of the truck slumped over his steering wheel.
My eyes are getting heavy. Each breath I take is a burden. It burns my lugs like a California wildfire. I can hear sirens in the distance. My eyes are getti
Brother My BrotherThe pain fills me. I look up at where he fell from. My brother; my little brother. I run to his body. I hesitantly touch his head. His brown hair is soft to my touch. “No.” I whisper. This can’t be happening. I pull his head closer to me. “NO!” I scream into the empty night. I put my forehead to his as his light blue eyes stare into the nothing. I weep. I sob. I cry. I hold him closer. I whisper his name. I hear sirens. I pull back and look at him one last time; for the last time. I put my hand to his face and feel how his flesh is already too cold. His blood is on my shirt and the sirens are closer now. “I’m sorry…” I whisper quietly. I flee.
Goodbye Jav“I haven’t seen you in a long time…” I told him. “I know…” He moved his cup of coffee on the table absently. “I’ve got a girl now… We’re happy… I just thought you should know…” He offered a weak smile and looked up at me.
I smiled in return, taking a sip of my own coffee. “I’m happy for you, Jav.” And I meant it. A weight was lifted off his shoulders. We talked for a time after that. It was sunrise before we stopped.
“I’m surprised any coffee shop is open this late.” He laughed. I laughed too. It was nice seeing him after so long. It felt good, even if it did hurt a little, what I did to him… “They’re one of the few in town open twenty four hours.” I told him. “For people like us.” I wink and raise my coffee cup. He laughs and does the same.
His laugh is beautiful. I feel so ashamed for what I did to him. I’m glad he
Goodbye PhoenixThe house burns quickly. I sit in the cold wet lawn. I can still hear his screams in my head, echoing over and over again. His brother sits on the lawn next to me. His face is blank as he stares at the inferno his younger brother is in.
The tears are like acid, slipping down my face. They burn worse than the fire across the street. I can feel arms around me and barely notice as I watch the flames lick higher toward the sky.
Sirens are around us. Cops and firefighters. Its too late, he’s already dead. We all know this already. Smoke billows up into the dark night sky, the flames like his hair. So feathery and wild. The orange and yellow and red.
I’m carried away, but I can still hear his screams as I ran from the house. I should have gone back. I could have gone back… But I didn’t. The burn on my arm is only a dull pain compared to that in my chest.
The smoke blinds me, my lungs already burning. I’m placed into an ambulance. The men talk to me, but I can
Goodbye SarahI watched as she walked up to me. I could see the tears in her dark blue eyes. They were in mine as well. Her hips moved in that rhythm I couldn’t help but watch. “How could you?!” She screamed at me. I heard the slap before I felt it. My face red and stinging, I turned to look back at her.
Her face is flushed and the tears stream freely down her cheeks. It hurts. Too much. I grab her and hold her in a fierce hug. “Don’t touch me you bitch!” She screams, trying to get free from my grasp.
She struggles for a moment longer and stops as we slide to the ground. She still beats at my chest, sobbing. I bite my lip, the tears flowing out of my eyes as well. I burry my face in her dark raven hair. It still smells like cherry’s. “How could you…” She sobs.
My heart hurts as I hold her. We sit there on the ground, crying together. “I’m sorry…” I whisper to her. She clutches my shirt, her shoulders shaking.
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The Coffee GodThe Coffee God behind the counter shuffles foot to foot, a dance of steam and espresso. Black painted fingernails, inch gauged ears and a gray striped sweatshirt, hood crooked on his back. There's a cigarette tucked behind one ear; it bobs and twitches with each step.
“Non-fat caramel latte,” he calls, just as he always does, part of a spell, part of a mantra, toneless (just a tuck at the end). I reach. He looks up.
The espresso maker hisses.
There's something like a grin, something like a spark, something like a shared secret linked eye to eye. When he passes over the drink (rough cardboard sleeve hot to the touch), he lingers. Our fingers brush, a shiver, a jolt, a ten-watt shock.
The Coffee God tilts his chin, shouts, “Hey, mind if I take my break now?”
and ducks around the counter without waiting for a reply.
He slips his cigarette between his lips without taking his eyes from mine. I follow him out the door.
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